Ah..that word...

I have a million of things to write about and about hundreds of them make to my drafts.And I post only a handful of them.

Does that show I don't value what I write ? Do I feel my words are not worthy of an audience? Why do I keep on mercilessly edit and reframe the sentences ? Why can't I just write down all that passes through my head,shoulders,knees and toes ?

Well, some will read the entire thing while some will simply scan.Some may even comment.I always have this fear of not being able to write up to a standard I have set for myself.Sometimes,I even feel so very drained out after replying to a comment.Does that show my need for perfect pieces ? My head says "Naah..you are just being paranoid" and my heart says.. it is because I am too attached to the writing and I want to excel in it! But the more I try to hold myself, I feel like I might loose the interest to make wordy things in my world!

And then one day might come,when I will no longer be able to write anything! Ah..the perfect word that summons my thoughts : "Writer Block"

Those words,
Emotionally wrecking
Deepening wounds
Inflicting mind
Some are burned
Some are crude
It's stuck,somewhere
And everywhere
In my heart ?
Or In my gut ?
And I try hard
To force them out
Nothing,but
A bundle of words,
Falls right in here...

 

Its a Happiest Day!!

Today,Is THE Happiest day in my life.I cannot think of any other day I have been this happiest!

A whole year,since this...Its's true that life does give us lemons,but it is for us to make lemonades!! :)

 

Monday Blues!!

 

A beautiful quote that perfectly summarizes living a life :).Reminded me of Walter Mitty !!

Connected

It was my stupidity to suck in that gush of filthy air into my lungs.It made me very sick.I have been now warned never to disconnect from my air filter device, if I needed to breathe ever again !!

Note : A  reality(?) in many years to come ! :|

In response to the Daily Prompt : Connected

An Epiphany..!.

Unbearable is the pain,
when you simply walk away
I stand here all alone...
yearning for you to come back
But I know you are now, just,
a beautiful piece of memory
I wish I had never met you,
only to build memories
The ones that can never,
ever be thought without crushing pain
As I realize you have gone too far,
I understand,I have nothing to hold on
Neither your shoulder to lean on,
nor your hands to hide my tears
I lost my life, virtues, and thoughts,
just to gain some moments very deep
I cherish them with you ,but
its remembrance now is but a heartache
Alone while standing in the rain,I shed,
the tears of my pain
I try to reason, in my head, Why me ?
and search for an unknown answer
While all the time I knew, at my heart
some things are just bound to be...

Note : A heartbreak!

Monday Blues !

Some quotes like these help us find that perspective to life which we are failing to see !

A status!

I am quite sad.To say the truth,I am very depressed.A lot of expectations and dreams have come crashing down.And I am unable to find a way out of it.I hoped for a better year for us a  family since the new year,but somehow the happy formula always eludes us.There is always something to worry about or being sad.Sometimes its "N" illness and at other times, it's my work.

I have always been a hard worker in my life.Not a smart one.The hard one.A resilient one.I have toiled enormous amounts of hours reading,understanding subjects and writing exams which I clear.Yes of course with flying colors.But the losses were more.And the margin of loss was so very small.That hurt me the most.I lost an opportunity to study my favorite subject for graduation and ended up taking the most hated one! I lost opportunity to clear the most prestigious exam in the coutry just by 5 marks!! I ended up in a mediocre company with virtually non growing salary but a job nonetheless.I have kind of lost hope and I know I have settled for less,very less than what I dreamed of.Yet,I hoped for a better life once I settled with my family,but somehow the happy formula always eludes us.There is always something to worry about or being sad.Sometimes its "N" illness and at other times, it's my work.

I will eventually find out something but I am worried I am running out of time.I feel I will become obsolete.Though I had no control over the happening of any one of these life problems and sadness that has afflicted me and my life,I still feel helpless.And I am at times mad at myself for not taking action on things which  could have steered my life in a different direction.I simply ignored those decisions which would have actually made a difference.I think being comfortable was the culprit there.It is the most important silent killer of all aspirations and dreams I had in life.

Sigh! A friend of mine once told me I am resilient.And I know its one of the essential characters needed in life.But I think "grit" is more essential.Most needed one,I hope to take charge of my life and toil, even more, harder.Yes,years have flown by.But I still have promises to keep to myself.