The Tree

The roots, strong and grounded

The branches, spreads a warm welcome

The million leaves, green and brittle

The trunk,mighty in the face of storm

The twigs,but bow humbly to the breeze

The huge home, to a few hundreds

Forcing but none to stay

Takes the trash and gives us life

Harming none on the on the way

And yet we, the "humans" destroy

"The Tree"

 

In response with the Daily Prompt : "Tree"

Picture Courtsey : Google

Note : Edited :)

 

 

 

 

Train Memories

It's been ages since I had travelled in a train,almost close to 2 years now.Once an integral part of my life, I almost lost the touch of "train travel".

When I was first posted to Chennai as a Software Engineer,I remember the first time I had to travel alone on a train.My first journey in "Chennai Local".I had made plans for this grand day for some time then as travelling by buses was a pain.But then,I struggled to get a ticket after standing in a queue for about half n hour at Tambaram station and missed the train which I was supposed to get.And while boarding the next one which was jam packed,I vowed to myself never to catch the local again.

But then I had to give it a chance once more.I bought a season ticket to avoid the long queues.I then observed and learned on train travel ettiquetes.I understood how to get into the train for starters, which part of ladies compartment will people be less occupied as in I might be able to stand,when to start from the "seat to door " as you arrive at your station,how to stand near the doors,how to take minimal space to occupy a seat,how to observe people without them knowing,how to tie the shawl with only eyes popping outside,how to buy those small samosas and what not.Except for the "begging" part especially by children,everything about train journeys became awesome!!

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Once we friends decided to go to a far away mall.But we could not and chose not to buy the tickets,just for the experience.Luckily the TTE caught us and made us pay a hefty fine which just put a hole in my monthly budget!!

The scariest yet memorable incident was like this.I was working late and the last train from Parannur was around 8:30.I didn't know that at that time the station and the train would be so deserted.Anyways,I didn't have a choice and I simply occupied a seat where there were other ladies.The train chugged for a few minutes but then came to a sudden halt.We started hearing loud noises and spark of lights and when tried to locate the source, we found that the electric connectivity between the train and the trasmission wires were in fire.It was a kind of Diwali :).Suddenly every one started screaming and started jumping off the compartment and ran.I too wanted to jump but only then it dawned on me that I am not at a platform.The trains were very tall and with no other way,I jumped  into the stone gravel.But now the next station to both ways was almost equal distance.It was very late and I didnt know what to do ? Meanwhile, my parents called me if I had reached,did I have dinner and the usual stuff.Though I was afraid and wanted to yell,somehow I managed to lock things in my heart.I had already started following the crowd,walked half a km climbed through thorny bushes and prickly stubs of shrubs and some how reached the highway.Walked a further more,took a bus to my home.I was shocked and shivering but I was happy that some how I faced the situtation without damages.That was the last time I travelled in a local train at night!!

Well the long distance train joureys were also fun.One time I almost witnessed two people having $ex .It was like the scene in movie "Enemey at the Gates".I had occupied the lower side berth and from where I lie,I could see the upper berth.Now,In the middle of night,I woke up just like that and to my surprise couild see something but could not register what I was seeing.Welll,when I was conscious enough to understand what I was seeing,I didnt know what to do.I wanted to watch,but also not watch.I felt thristy but could not move my hand to lift the bottle and drink.Well,I simply slept again :).And the next morning,all I could do was grin ear to ear when I saw them sitting opposite to each other without even looking.

Another time I saw a couple waving good byes to each other in a way I guess only they could say.And one time I became friends with this elderly couple who were going to visit their only son and his family who was working in my hometown while I was travelling to my home from theirs.It seemed that their son didn't have time to go home for the holidays.I could send the anger and the sadness that parents carried with them on not being able to spend time with their only son.I hope that one day their son realizes what he was doing! Sigh! Another one time,I slept off and didnt even knew that the train had reached its destination.It was a RPF officer who saw me happily sleeping and woke me up.He asked for the ticket and other stuff.Luckily the last stop was my hometown.It was a surprise visit to my home and no one was there to pick me up,else I would have got an earful about how careless I am.

And so many adventures and memories came to me as I had to travel in train,alone for past few days :)

 

 

Fear

I fear,
The whispers of peers
The coughs of strangers
I fear,
The loneliness in the crowd
And the suffocation in familiarity
I fear,
The ambitions and dreams I have
Not that I won't achieve,but what If I achieve​ them ?
I fear,
I die without a legacy
I might never try t build one!
I fear,
I am brittle and is crushed by loved ones
But I know,I am strong enough to face a storm
I fear,
I knowingly choose the path
Though I knew,I wanted to go the less travelled one
I fear,
I die without a reason
I live every day,dying inside

 

I am not sure what I fear about! I know deep inside​ of me that I am capable of chasing and achieving my dreams and aspirations but the fear of moving and achieving is killing me.It hurts!! I ignore all those that things that maketh me.I ignore those feelings that scream to me and say,come one with me.
I choose to ignore and search for something which I know does not exists!

A Dream Vacation

What could be more exciting than being a carefree traveller who has access and means to travel all across the world,experience different cultures,cuisines and wonderful people.The mere mention of "travel" fills up my memory with days of summer vacations at my mom's place.That was the first of my travel adventures.Our home,chilly old town deep inside a forest is very near to Munnar.

[gallery ids="3664,3665,3666" type="rectangular"]

Though the charisma of mountains,forests and rivers are fading out,still the nostalgia holds it together as a grant picture.Travelling to my hometown means a lot of things.

Our home is surrounded by mountains on all sides.We have a small creek flowing through our land and reaches a river.Early mornings are mysteriously beautiful!We can actually wait to see the mist clearing and the mountains dawn before us while the sun rises!! And I wonder how many places can offer us such a sunrise in this world.Everywhere in this world,the sunrise is one majestic piece of Art,and the mere sight is itself fill us with a sense of belonging.I have felt this when I saw the sunrise at Kanyakumari or at Kanjenjunka :).

[gallery ids="3669,3670" type="rectangular"]

Nothing beats the taste of the authentic flavours of my grandmom.Even if it is a simple pickle,her hand does the magic that not even my amma can replicate.When I was pregnant with my daughter I craved for her food,that's my Grandmom's magic food.I believe while we travel we must try out variety of food which is locally available.This really helps us understand the authentic taste of the food of that place.I feel,the authenticity loses its shine if prepared outside that particular area.When I was in Chennai,the small idlis in a bucket load of sambhar with a whole spoon of ghee...Yum...Sadly,nothing I did at home,could replicate the original taste.So there,food also adds to the experience of travelling.

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Being so near to Thekaddy Wildlife Sanctuary and Munnar,our place amidst the forest does have visits from wildlife.I have been in awe seeing the variety of monkeys,wild snakes,wild pigs,endangered species of ant eaters near by our home.And I have learned a lot from these encounters and it has also helped in gaining knowledge about the flora and fauna of my area.I still rememeber,how this had helped me with my science projects.This also reminds me about the fishes and corals I saw when I had gone snorkelling at the Andaman Islands.

We can all be tourists,but a few can be travelers who can actually get deep into the culture,learn them,understand them,be a part of them.It takes time,patience and caliber to be a traveller.These people have profound effects of travelling in their life.They are the ones who wonder,what the next destination has to offer them ?  They are travellers of lifetime :)

I am blogging about my dreams and passions for the Club Mahindra#DreamTrails activity at BlogAdda. You can get a Club Mahindra Membership to own your holidays!

Thanks Google for the lovely pics :)

Do you really know?!

The white lilies
or silver cups of poison ?

Yellow dreamy sunflowers
or a little sun in every single flower ?

The lovely fairy tailed fishes
or our lives just before we are born ?

An old withered and a sprawling tree
or a lonely person simply waiting for a friend ?

Deep intriguing starry night sky
or a picture printed by our firing neurons ?

A tip of an iceberg
or the deck of an underground empire ?

A gushy cold wind on face
or the breath of an unreturned soul ?

A streak of sunlight admist the rain
or a hug of mother consoling her son ?

A hue of paint on an canvas
or the mind of wandering persona ?

An angry conversation with a loved one
or sadness due to inability of ones self ?

A pale blue dot.
or one among the pale dots in the entire universe ?

Are you living your life in a dream ?
or are you living your own dream ?

Tell me do you really know,
what you don't know ?

Day 2 of 

Born Again ?

A dark cave,in the middle of nowhere
And I don't remember how I came here ?
It's filthy,dungeon and smells like pee
And I wonder how long before I see
The wonderful,horizon beyond the sea
Huddled in despair of unknown
I was crying, but my tears, bygone
It felt like flying among stars with no breath
It felt like a rainbow of thousand colors
It felt like tiny snowflakes in summer
It felt like a weird connection between life and death
I felt in me,the emotions,I never knew
And then,I dropped under my weight
A touch,a snob,a tear or two and the smell
A familiarity loomed somewhere in there
So did light from a thousand moon's
As I glanced the moon,I saw a door
Hoping for an exit from this nightmare,I rose
But an urge to look back took me for a surprise
An entirety of my life flashed in seconds of time
As the cave lighted up my memories,
like the jellyfishes of a calm sea
I realized,I am more alive than ever before
Sure,I am ready for my next adventure
To make new life from being dead...

Sometimes,death is stranger than fiction :)

Cloud Art

I always had this thought,

" Clouds must be a very vast canvas of that strange artist who has got such talent to simply mould them into spectacular pieces of art.When the colours, hues from sunlight,water drops,ions in the sky are incorporated into them,Master pieces are born!!

And we are simply bound to be spell bounded by thou art! "

In response to Daily Prompt "Clouds"

Ah..that word...

I have a million of things to write about and about hundreds of them make to my drafts.And I post only a handful of them.

Does that show I don't value what I write ? Do I feel my words are not worthy of an audience? Why do I keep on mercilessly edit and reframe the sentences ? Why can't I just write down all that passes through my head,shoulders,knees and toes ?

Well, some will read the entire thing while some will simply scan.Some may even comment.I always have this fear of not being able to write up to a standard I have set for myself.Sometimes,I even feel so very drained out after replying to a comment.Does that show my need for perfect pieces ? My head says "Naah..you are just being paranoid" and my heart says.. it is because I am too attached to the writing and I want to excel in it! But the more I try to hold myself, I feel like I might loose the interest to make wordy things in my world!

And then one day might come,when I will no longer be able to write anything! Ah..the perfect word that summons my thoughts : "Writer Block"

Those words,
Emotionally wrecking
Deepening wounds
Inflicting mind
Some are burned
Some are crude
It's stuck,somewhere
And everywhere
In my heart ?
Or In my gut ?
And I try hard
To force them out
Nothing,but
A bundle of words,
Falls right in here...

 

An Epiphany..!.

Unbearable is the pain,
when you simply walk away
I stand here all alone...
yearning for you to come back
But I know you are now, just,
a beautiful piece of memory
I wish I had never met you,
only to build memories
The ones that can never,
ever be thought without crushing pain
As I realize you have gone too far,
I understand,I have nothing to hold on
Neither your shoulder to lean on,
nor your hands to hide my tears
I lost my life, virtues, and thoughts,
just to gain some moments very deep
I cherish them with you ,but
its remembrance now is but a heartache
Alone while standing in the rain,I shed,
the tears of my pain
I try to reason, in my head, Why me ?
and search for an unknown answer
While all the time I knew, at my heart
some things are just bound to be...

Note : A heartbreak!

Haunted...

An old blue silk saree, adorns her body
A thin gold chain around her neck
Her hands filled with red bangles
Her dark kohl filled black eyes
Dreams about her future life
Her smile,brightens the hopes
She was a beauty!
And there he stood,her saviour
Until today he was no one
But after today he is the one
Non describable was he, but his act
Will be the talk for years to come
To marry the girl,whose innocence  was robbed
And was sold as cheap old gold
Her eyes were in tears of happiness
She turned back to see her friends
Their gleaming eyes filled with hope
For a day like this might come
A release from this wretched life
A wedding so rare,thus happened !
With  blessings and well wishes
She moved on with him
A new home and hopeful new world
She took care of him and so did he
They loved each other
In a way no one else can
She was safe with him
Away from those stares and ogles
And from the haunted memories
In every moment spend with him
Only to be interrupted,
By the knocks at their door
Quoting prices for her
He , neither could she tolerate
She was reminded of her old life
As she walked the streets
The ladies and the kids
Stayed away from her
People talk and talk
Spreading  news of all kind
She could tolerate,but not him
His eyes oozed the pain
Of an unfulfilled promise
She cried,cried and cried
And then finally decided
From better or worse
She could never be with him
Her life is a simply a mirage
And returned to her old home
Where all those gloomy eyes
Absorbed her sorrow
And the realisation of their life.

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8DJjnGqsZtU9xfAtNP_ZKj7MvKFICfDTs3px5hgCozXLKCnmq6-GVMdGcxDIEF4khyD7ZGrpHwtpORV63b-SJm_5zRNimGSJ04nF99QqTaGiN9GOuu_XFEM8lzbvFouszUgS-D4EX_IHH/s1600/H.jpg

Ephemeral

I was born very late in the night.

Dawn,to be precise.Nothing but only the tender moonlight,sprayed upon.I have finally reached my destination.This,the birth was overwhelming.I was scared and sad.And then I began my waiting...,to die.Well,that was my purpose.I was born to die.

I felt,I might not even live until the sun rose. My death which was certain and I even knew how I would die.I would simply dry up or burst open.But sometimes,even a light breeze can kill me,if I am not careful.

Once I settled,I noticed my surroundings.The dimly lit landscape,with rays of sun slowly seeping in.The beautiful sky which was being nudged by the sun rays to wake up,spreading its orange hues.The huge trees.The flowers.The green plants.All were sleeping and no one knew,I have arrived.

I was appalled by the beauty before me but was sad,thinking about the minuscule of life I had to enjoy this.In me, echoed the  voice of elders,"There was no real purpose of our birth.And by our death,we hope to be reborn to tell the tales of wonder who chose to go down this path."

It was then,a little girl with her grandfather came running to me.I was trembling with fear,for the blanket under which I hid myself was opened.

"Look,grandpa.Look at what I have found.See,this is shining at the tip of the rose bud.Look, how pretty is it ? "

"Oh dear, its dew drop."

At this moment, I realised my purpose of life which was smaller than an eye-blink.I am alive to help a little girl form a beautiful memory.And as long as she is able to recall my existence and be happy about it,even if it was for a moment,I consider myself to have "lived".A huge life span doesn't matter unless,if we are able to spark a tinge of happiness in at least a person.

Though,ephemeral.I understand,I am eternal in a little girl's memory!

****

Note: Bit late due to hectic schedule at work.Nonetheless,continuing with the challenge!! :)

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Discrepancy !

He was the head of "The Company".To be precise,he was the only employee of his company.He just had revamped his largest system of records and he had a lot of pending work.His upgrade was to make sure that the information was stored with utmost security.He could trust none.

“One hell of a job to manage all these records!!”.He felt frustrated.A few hours into tracking and loading the new system,he could not find the any relation or place for some 21,000 records.He was confused.

"Were these records previously present or did he make mistakes ?"

He was too lazy to check his backup data and rather found the easy way,deleting all the mismatched records.Well,he was being the boss.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
All news channels were flashing the latest news - Japan hit by a massive earthquake of magnitude 8.9 and followed by a destructive Tsunami.Almost 3000 people feared dead.

Few days later - The count increased to 21,000.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Yeah, pretty much settled ”. He smiled.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Note : Being creative ;)

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A Lifetime Memory

It been just 2 years, but you, my little daughter...you have given me a lifetime of memories already.Right from the day when showed up as two small lines in the pregnancy test results till yesterday, I have collected and stored every single moment with you.I still vividly remember this poem, which I had written about you while being pregnant,

My Angel

Overwhelmed with joy
My eyes brim with tears
When I saw my little angel

My hands tremble with fear
On touching her tender face
For  I was afraid
My roughness would hurt her

Getting her to my arms
Was a true divine moment
It was nowhere similar
To what I had always imagined

Holding her in arms
A longing dream of mine
Truly a bundle of joy
That  I had in my arms

Cute eyes and small nose
Rose lips and Soft toes
Nowhere she resembled me
As her father said…

Suddenly she twists,
Raising her closed pink fist
As though in protest
For disturbing her sleep

Rocking her back to sleep
I watched my lovely gift
And I realize that,
My life has changed forever

And, turns out you were exactly the same :).

My life changed the moment I held you in my arms.I still remember my heavy screaming during my delivery, but that was nothing close to emotional the first moment I first saw you.You, a tiny pink creature who refused to wail.I was so worried that you were not crying.Maternity Instincts :P.Though, you had already started looking at everyone trying to understand your new world.You were curious and happy.Your smile, your cries, your giggly laughs.Suddenly my world had become more colourful.

Your pink fists and your tiny feet.I simply loved to hold them forever.I still remember how much I turned motherly, even before I knew when you came into my life.I sensed danger everywhere and restricted you in many ways later realising how much a fool was I.

I don’t think that I can ever forget those trips for vaccinations.Your tiny screams and the painful nights, made me regret letting you take those injections.And how can I forget the days when you were shivering with fever.I would never have prayed so hard before.

Then the day came when I had to cut short my maternity leave to join office back.I trembled and cried, not knowing how I will survive without you.I simply ran to see you for every opportunity I have had(made).

Your first tooth to the day when you sat on your own.Your first incomprehensible word to the day you called me “amma”.Your first kiss for me to the day you danced with me.Your first song, your first tantrum, your dance in diapers, you mimicking me, you trying to converse in sentences, you being jealous when I talk to other babies.I have every single one of them in stored perfectly in my memory.

”N” you have made me the weakest and also the strongest.You made me realise that life can never be taken for granted.To almost losing you last year until now, you have showed me that grit is what it takes to swim against the waves at times of despair.

Thank you for all those wonderful memories you have given me and to many more that has to come!.Thanks for being my girl, my daughter.
To view my memories,click the link below:
https://memories.hdfclife.com/message/UEtmAUAYuQaqmc4NYpLbUg==

“Share your #MemoriesForLife like I’ve done at BlogAdda for HDFC Life.”

 

 

Love is...!!

Love is...when your husband,who has never entered a kitchen,except to eat,storms in there and cooks up a delicious dinner only to surprise you!! :D

Ours was an arranged marriage and it took my husband only about 30 mins of chat with me to say “Yesss!!!”. I,on the other hand was utterly confused and tensed if the decision was made in a haste .The only thing I was able to notice then,in my future-husband was his smile,which was beaming straight from heart,or so I felt.I am a very introvert person while my hubs is totally outgoing ,talkative,fun loving guy.And slowly he made me realise that he is the perfect partner for me.It took us 3 months after marriage to be together under the same roof.It was then, we found our love!

Setting up our new home and the start the new life,learning the likes and dislikes of each other,learning the small nuances of life together,buying things for home,or for kitchen,everything was a different and sometimes difficult.But,when ever I look at him,there he would be present with that smile and the solution to almost all my problems.The ease with which he made me slip to our life was something I can never understand.He too was in a new place,new state but he managed everything or was it his smile,that helped me relax ? I don’t know for sure!!

We both work in the IT sector and it was so difficult to reach home on time to cook the dinner.Almost every other day,I crib in my sleep about the traffic,dinner making and dish washing process.I was tired and just wanted a break.

And one day,I was very late and was hurrying to reach home,I was so surprised to see my hubby there.He had come in early.“Oops”,I was thinking what will I cook up something quick ? He used to be late every other day and today he had to come early ? Sigh!!

I told him that I will cook up something very quick and without even changing my clothes,I rushed to the kitchen,only to see a chaotic,messed up,war-zoned kitchen.I could see almost all the dishes,plates out of the cupboard.All the vegetables,dal,masalas, out of their boxes or the fridge.And even more soiled plates.I was aghast!!

And as I turned ,I saw my handsome husband,with his trademark smile,was all ready with an elaborate dinner of palak paneer, vegetable thoran, muringa-dal curry ,rice, chapati, omelette for us :D.I vent out such a huge sigh filled with laughter,both by the relief of not having to make dinner and being able to gorge on such a elaborate dinner.The tiredness vanished from my face and there I was laughing out so loud along with my husband,while all my thoughts were about him.He had noticed my cribbing,my tiredness,and came home early only to surprise me with a tasty dinner.And,yes,I cleaned up the kitchen while he washed the dishes.This event bring me tears of happiness every time I think about it.

And I realised I have such a perfect gem with me and I am glad,he said "Yess...."!!

“This post is a part of #LoveAndLaughter activity at BlogAdda in association with Caratlane.”

https://youtu.be/ya3Z1AC1CHA

 

A Withered Flower...

Never did I expect a reply

While writing her the first letter

But later we shared our lives,in letters

She was my friend

The only one I confide in

But still I remained hidden from her

I was afraid ,my wrinkled face and hands

Might shun her away…

 

And one fine day,

   no more of her letters visited me

My mailbox was all dried up…

I panicked, what could have happened ?

Did she know who I was ?

Or was she in any trouble ?

There was no way, I could know

I wrote to her every day of the week

And I waited and waited, but in vain

The week of freedom

Became the only hope, now I had…

  

Drenched in night’s rain,

There stood the debris of an old dilapidated home

Remains of rodents and my letters,

Greeted me, when I reached her address

With all my nerves I knocked

But, none answered

Mustering up my courage,

I pushed open the old door…

Loud crackling noise, echoed in the room

Standing in the stale room

I smelled the burning skin

I also smelled blood…

 

Save her!!, my mind raced

Save her !!,

From clutches of the drunken bastard

I stabbed him from the back

For he pushed himself on her

For he who also the one who set me on fire

In a flicker of second my past flashed before my eyes

Father, he was ,to her

 

Wiping away my sweat

And my tears, I moved out of the place

She was nowhere to be seen

I couldn’t find my friend, my daughter

And I had no time to wait

For I have a sentence to meet

But I hope someday soon

Her letters will fill my mailbox

Note : Found this intact in one of my old folders.This was written long back,around 2011 based on some horrible news that was making rounds then.

Transformation !

I was in pitch dark,

And I was drowning deep

The air was suffocating

And the death looming beside

I kept holding onto,a something

Which I knew no longer existed

I forget to count the days and nights

While I still drop my tears

And then came a day

I chose to open my eyes

Slowly darkness left me

I chose to stop my tears

And I realised,I was alone

In that scary place

Looking above from the deep dungeon

I saw the bright blue sky

I saw the fluttering,

Of birds and butterflies

I heard the murmurs,

Of the swaying  trees

I smelled the deep fragrance,

Of blooming white lilies

I remembered those days,

I smiled,laughed and danced

I yearned for the days,

When I was so alive...

 

And then,I finally decide to move on...

Delicious!

It was a big fat Indian wedding.

The decorations were marvellous,wedding dress were fabulous,3 tier cake enormous and the food delicious.It smelled so delicious,even after being dumped into the garbage bins.

Ah..there,as soon as we got hold of those bins,our party began!!

My Angel

Overwhelmed with joy
My eyes brim with tears
When I saw my little angel

My hands tremble with fear
On touching her tender face
For i was afraid
My roughness would hurt her

Getting her to my arms
Was a true divine moment
It is no where similar
To what i had always imagined

Holding her in arms
A longing dream of mine
Truly a bundle of joy
That i had in my arms

Cute eyes and small nose
Rose lips and Soft toes
No where she resembled me
As her father said...

Suddenly she twists,
Raising her closed pink fist
As though in protest
For disturbing her sleep

Rocking her back to sleep
I watched my lovely gift
And I realize that,
My life has changed forever

 

Note : This was written even before I had my baby girl :D,I knew I would definitely have a girl,just like me :)

Insipid

It rained heavily
And after ages
Stooping brown trees
Overflowing streams
Wet red muddy roads 
It was indeed,a new life

     Just like the good rain
     Who knows when to come
     I came to your life
     The least when you expecte

It rained heavily,
Again,The next season
Streams still flows
Pregnant clouds filled skies
It was still a new world
But with onset of wrinkles 

     Again we met
     Not just for a season
     From the initial spurge
     Together,we grew old 

It rained heavily
And recurrently
For many seasons
Rivers were born
This seasonal burst
Now was another routine

You...

You, 

     A revelation of my love

Simple thoughts of you 

         Brings out ecstasy in me

I am in love with you,

         And your velvet touch

I am already in heaven

         Bestowed by your kisses

I live now with this purpose

         For being there for you 

 

I know, seasons never come

        Before they ought to !!

Impatiently, I wait for that day

         Until you dawn upon me

Not so far, I can feel,

       This bittersweet wait

Awakened by this,

         beautiful dream 

I sense the tingle

         Of holding your finger

From far across

         Beyond the worldly barriers

 

I realize, I am you !!

Note : I had written this while counting days to my D-date to see my lil girl 'N' :).Its been 2 years,but still remains so fresh in my memory.