Monday Blues!

This is such a profound quote,which resonates perfectly with me.I have all these thoughts and dreams and aspirations in life,but I now realize,I have never been an enthusiast!I was missing this main ingredient,to make my special dish for sprouting out my ideas,my stories to this world.I had always,let those dreams wilt and die.I now understand that,lukewarm is no good!

Kick start your Monday and the new February!!

 

 

 

Uncut Memories

Drenched in sweat
I wake up at midnight
That recurring dream
Played right at length
Suppressed memories
And dreaded desires
The fears and darkness
And the strange faces
Even just those acts
I wanted to forget
Played above the ones
I always made me believe
All through these years

Tonight,I could piece
And realize,I cannot
But, stop myself from
Not avoiding

The uncut memories

Note : I think,I am being haunted by "dream-ghosts".I keep dreaming about the same dream over and over again!!

The Art of Thinking Clearly

What have I been reading ?  



A Crisp Note:  Clearly,I lost my thinking over the book :)

A Withered Flower...

Never did I expect a reply

While writing her the first letter

But later we shared our lives,in letters

She was my friend

The only one I confide in

But still I remained hidden from her

I was afraid ,my wrinkled face and hands

Might shun her away…

 

And one fine day,

   no more of her letters visited me

My mailbox was all dried up…

I panicked, what could have happened ?

Did she know who I was ?

Or was she in any trouble ?

There was no way, I could know

I wrote to her every day of the week

And I waited and waited, but in vain

The week of freedom

Became the only hope, now I had…

  

Drenched in night’s rain,

There stood the debris of an old dilapidated home

Remains of rodents and my letters,

Greeted me, when I reached her address

With all my nerves I knocked

But, none answered

Mustering up my courage,

I pushed open the old door…

Loud crackling noise, echoed in the room

Standing in the stale room

I smelled the burning skin

I also smelled blood…

 

Save her!!, my mind raced

Save her !!,

From clutches of the drunken bastard

I stabbed him from the back

For he pushed himself on her

For he who also the one who set me on fire

In a flicker of second my past flashed before my eyes

Father, he was ,to her

 

Wiping away my sweat

And my tears, I moved out of the place

She was nowhere to be seen

I couldn’t find my friend, my daughter

And I had no time to wait

For I have a sentence to meet

But I hope someday soon

Her letters will fill my mailbox

Note : Found this intact in one of my old folders.This was written long back,around 2011 based on some horrible news that was making rounds then.

MJ-The Legend

Michael Joseph Jackson!

[caption id="attachment_1824" align="alignnone" width="720"] MJ[/caption]

Now,back to my story!

I never had an inclination towards music,even though my parents are avid lovers of songs and my dad is quite a good singer himself.I,on the other hand, had a kind of aversion to music.Though there are some film songs which I like,and some keertanams that I often listen to.I absolutely hated those album songs,the ear splitting rock music or the english songs.I only knew a handful artists like Britney Spears ,Celine Dion(thanks to Titanic) and then MJ.Without even listening to any of his masterpieces,I chose to dislike and ignore him.

Now,my husband is totally a divergent of me.He is a music junkie who has gone so far to get the latest of gadgets for listening to music with all its clarity and loudness.He was "flabbergasted and disgusted" to know that I have not heard his favourite musician of all time.Now,he had taken up the pledge to make me understand what I was missing in my life :P.He started driving me crazy by repeatedly playing MJ songs.All my pleas fell to his deaf ear,he never listens to me but only to MJ.At first,I was forced to listen to the legend.Then slowly  his magic worked out.At some point of time,I started to like those beats,the lyrics,the song,the mood he created and then after some days,I started to hum those songs and occasionally tap my legs.You see,I wanted to show my hubs,I still disliked him.But later on,I started to miss his energetic songs :),it was then I truly understood what I had been missing in my life,"Music"

I have this weird habit of reading up everything about anything that I am hooked up before I actually start using it.Say,if I am about to read a book,I devour  all about the author and even read the reviews of the book that I am about to read before even reading the book. :D.Before I had a chance to watch an MJ performance,I started reading all about him.I read about his start of career,his vocals,his family,his  illness,his changes,the allegations against him and mostly everything.But what I felt was that,none of this denies the very fact that he is indeed the "King of Pop"

I still remember the awe,I was in when I watched his stage performance "Michael Jackson "Billie Jean" 30th Anniversary Madison Square Garden NY" in youtube for the first time.It was unbelievable!!!.From the moment he enters the stage he conquers them.OMG...I have never seen another person do that.Only he can up his performance.Never once can we feel a drop in his energy!.He is simply Fantastico!!

Music is what had made him "King of POP".It is the music he created,that resonated with the people around him.Its his soul rendering music which have made all of us give away a piece of our hearts.Every single syllable out of his throat,shakes you,feels for you, eventually drifting you to another world.And his subtle ways of hinting against the various problems and atrocities in this world ,through his songs.His songs are all different but every single one of them has that stamp of MJ,that Navigates us to a whole new world.

Oh,I was again floored by the knowledge that all his dance moves are his own creations just like his music.And he defined the dance moves.They are always new, different,Peppy and mind boggling.And the most amazing thing,it still remains so.Always peppy!! I don't think,there is anyone this planet who would not have tried or at least heard his famous MoonWalk?

Or his gravity defying stunt! Or his robot dance..Uff!! He is always full of energy doing the thing he loves the most.Thats passion.Thats dedication.And when we do something which we love,I think we will never be tired.Ahem!!

And boy,talk about the deep Impact he has created and still creating,on the people of this world!.It is something very difficult to achieve.His "Thriller" released in 1983  is still the best selling album in the world.That is like 33 years and counting!!!.

Now he is what a true performer is,One who has the capability to touch and change lives through music.One who is original.One who is a visionary.One who is truly is a legend.

You will always be missed MJ.

 

This blog post is inspired by the blogging marathon hosted on IndiBlogger for the launch of the #Fantastico Zica from Tata Motors. You can apply for a test drive of the hatchback Zica today.

 

Images Courtesy : MJ FB Page Photo stream

Transformation !

I was in pitch dark,

And I was drowning deep

The air was suffocating

And the death looming beside

I kept holding onto,a something

Which I knew no longer existed

I forget to count the days and nights

While I still drop my tears

And then came a day

I chose to open my eyes

Slowly darkness left me

I chose to stop my tears

And I realised,I was alone

In that scary place

Looking above from the deep dungeon

I saw the bright blue sky

I saw the fluttering,

Of birds and butterflies

I heard the murmurs,

Of the swaying  trees

I smelled the deep fragrance,

Of blooming white lilies

I remembered those days,

I smiled,laughed and danced

I yearned for the days,

When I was so alive...

 

And then,I finally decide to move on...

Depth

I saw my parents crying.And all I could do was lie frozen besides them.

That is when I heard someone ask something about depth,to my tired father.

He mumbled,“It was just deep enough for him to drown to death”

Family

I have no words to express my happiness and gratefulness for being born as my parents daughter,to have a wonderful and supportive brother,to have such a huge extended family full or warmth!

Yes,I admit,I have had my fair share of disagreements and ugly fights but I am forever grateful for the way my parents have shaped me up.They have taught me many things and I have learned more by observing them,the way the stick together as one and solve problems that life throws unexpectedly!

And then came along my dearest hubs “R”.It sure changed my life all together.I was eagerly waiting to put in use of all those ideas ,I learnt from my parents but I was in a surprise!Every family is unique,even if it is yours or your parents.His family also gave me subtle surprises in their own way :) and I was completely at ease with my new family!

And as soon as I gave birth to my girl,”N”,I knew at my heart that my family is now complete.Her laughter,cute faces,little queries,and a lot of happiness,have made me understood the true essence of family.

In a very critical days of pain and torture in my life,gave me the clear insight into why a strong family-hood can actually help you out of any misery!!I am forever grateful for my family

Thank you ache and amma and kuttan and ettan and my lil girl.

Delicious!

It was a big fat Indian wedding.

The decorations were marvellous,wedding dress were fabulous,3 tier cake enormous and the food delicious.It smelled so delicious,even after being dumped into the garbage bins.

Ah..there,as soon as we got hold of those bins,our party began!!

52 Weeks of Gratitude - Spouse

I am married to a wonderful person,”R”.It was an arranged marriage.To tell the truth,I was not into the whole marriage thing.I always wanted to run away..wander into some unknown place,out of my familiar and suffocating home..living from a single bag.I wanted to go deep into the wild,explore places where no one would have gone,read a lot and more.I wanted to find a nook for me in this world.

And as expected,like in most of Indian family,my parents never approved of my thoughts and choices.They wanted me to be their obedient daughter,well raised and bred for family.And then,I had my stars and signs all messed up,which added to their BP.Anyways,I was summoned to meet my now-husband “R”.The meeting lasted for more than the usual time.And discussions started from name,place thing to everything under the sun.It was clear that somewhere,he was going to be the “guy”.

To tell the truth,it was only after the marriage and then a hastily city shifting,and then a few more days of settling down I actually started to really know my hubs.We both had many similarities and even more differences.He is more a techie guy and I a book person.He hates reading,but I love it.He hates pizza,but loves oats.And for me,oats is yucky-substance!!.He is very particular about looks and checks and rechecks the dress he wants to buy,while me,I get in a shop and will be out in a jiffy as I already know what I want.He is a gym-fitness-freak,while I am 9 am-snoring person.

But amidst,all of these we did find our love blossoming.It is beyond anything you can particularly associate with.

He taught me,its okay to be myself.

He made me understand,life is how we respond to it.

He said,that our company can move mountains together

He told me crying with me,for me was foremostost the beautiful thing he has done.

He does all those things especially for me,which is more valuable than anything expensive

He tries to fulfil my dreams in a subtle way ;)

He listens when I talk.

He goes silent when in pain,which made me realise,silence hurts more than yelling

He always says,for any problem,there is a solution even if some problems always remain so..

And the list goes on...but the most important one would be the way he make me feel loved all the time!! and thats what I would have wanted in my life!!

This is for my love,my dearest “R”.

I am grateful to have him in my life!!

How I found my Golden mornings..?

Everyday,I tell myself I will get up an hour earlier and spend some quality time with myself, a few minutes for my hobbies,then few minutes to tend garden,which is facing an imminent death well before I head out to face the world..ahem..as a warrior in kitchen,packing lunch and breakfast for myself, my husband ,my parents and my lil "N"...and then avoid the rush to office.

And ,I am telling you everyday I come up with weird, funny and even horrible reasons NOT to wake up!!.As usual,everyday I get up late, I am flooded with guilt and my day has already taken the wrong direction,at least in my head which miraculously gets manifested[The Secret!! :P].and every day ends with me being tired ,gloomy and exhausted.And before I hit the bed,I again start day-dreaming about a morning free of hassles.

For months [years] together,nothing changed.I tried out every method in internet and self help books :(!!

Then one day,I decided,just like that "I am going to turn the tables all around" to find my way in making my dark mornings into very golden ones!.Voila,albeit after a few failures,I am able to make my morning shine gold.

And this is how I did it.

At first,I threw aways all those fancy ,puzzle alarm apps away.No more snoozing.That felt amazing!!.After which.I left my phone away from my sleeping area.Then I slept like a baby with my girl,until all those sleeplessness I believed I had in me , err in my head has finally left me!!.It took me couple of weeks to finally make my self believe that “Yea I have slept enough!!”

So,now here I am with all freshness,still waking up late.I decided that its finally time to pamper myself with the extra time I am going to get in morning and I decided to wake up at 6:00 am.Well,as usual it was not successful.And the reason,I was too carried away by the “extra golden hour” and I began ferociously planning every minute after I get up like doing a blog post,reading that books,doing yoga and blah blah...well,it was not a surprise that it failed!!.Waking up at 6,felt a chore again.The I had that light bulb moment …aka...I ditched the plans.And went to sleep peacefully.The next day,I woke up exactly at 5:55am,no alarms or anything.I simply opened my eyes and stared right at the clock.

Now the next part,waking up is one thing but getting out of bed is totally another thing.I did a number of things to motivate myself to simply take that few steps from my bed,which I felt was like kms away.I wavered and thought as to why I must torture myself ? I can sleep comfortably resting on my hubs,warm chest :D.My head was coming up with a lot of stuff to make myself remain in the bed.

But then after experiencing the mad rush hour,I really wanted to find some solid way to get out of the bed.It did took me a couple of days to come up after going through all those possible ways to motivate me to get up from bed I came up with this killer combo of having a hot cup of coffee as soon as I wake up.The sweet smell somehow rewired my brain to get up.The half awakened myself, start searching for my brush.Now,how can I have my coffee without brushing,there I am already heading to brush my  teeth ,just to have that coffee and with that splash of water,I am up,awake and ready to conquer my world..sipping my hot coffee :D.

Today,as soon as I have my cup of coffee,I head straight to watch the ever mesmerising golden sunrise.That fills me with gratitude,for being alive in this earth.What are the odds ??

I,now have all the time to do those little things,I always wanted to do without disturbing anyone in my family,esp my toddler.With this routine I am able to reach office on time and leave on time and also be more productive.I am also able to spend more time with my girl,who has lots to say!!And most importantly,I have found a new happy me.

Thanks to my brush and a cup of coffee,my once dark mornings have now become "Golden Mornings" 

Lessons from 2015

The year 2015,was a rollercoaster ride for me from being emotionally hurt to getting recovered from the tragic accident in life.Happiness got redefined in this year.And some of the most important things I have learned

• We all will be/are hurt in our life times.As the pain thus caused cannot be measured,we can only say we are hurt or may cry our hearts out.We feel as the most unluckiest person in the world.We also feel like the entire universe has conspired against us.We are bitter,angry and sad.No amount of assurance can lift us from the hell hole...but all of these happen only when we are just impacted by the pain,sooner or later,the pain would all have been gone and only a tinge of sadness occurs as a remainder of the event!!,Yes,we as humans cannot keep the pain with us,which is good!.I learned ,that indeed,time heals.


• Everything happens for a reason,even if something hurts you deeply at a point of time,it may help you put things into perspective.So there is no point in worrying or panicking,instead we must be able to pick ourselves up,dust away the unreasoning problems and find out a way to reach our destinations giving consideration to the issues.I learned that If we cannot,lift ourselves up at the time most needed,then that becomes the failure.


• Issues,problems all come and go.The so called huge pain gets reduced to a tinge of sadness when we remember them,now if we can remind ourselves of about some of the happiest moments we had in our life that tinge of happiness will brighten our day.Always try to give ourselves that deserving happiness.I learned to remember the happy days, and be grateful for them.


• Enjoy being in present,its the only thing you ever have.This present is the only thing which helps us to shape up a future we always want(ideal) and create colourful or wonderful memories.We and our loved ones are not guaranteed to be together forever,so we don't want regrets to be build.So,you want to call that old friend,call her/him now.You want to buy a nice laptop,start saving now,and buy that.I learned that being in present and hearing your lil baby call for you is the most blessed thing in life.


• One must always strive to be a better person than they were on the previous day.Eating good food,drinking more water,helping your parents ,helping siblings or your children achieve their dreams etc.I learned that the more I help myself,only then I can help others.

Thank you 2015 for being such a wonderful teacher!!

Gratitude Challenge

http://localadventurer.com/52-weeks-of-gratitude-challenge-complete/

Why start this challenge ?

Now the answer for this question is related to how the year 2015 was for me.To tell the truth,2015 was the hardest year of my life.

The pain,I had to undergo was excruciating.I never knew,I had it in me to accept this pain and then overcome the same.But,this pain showed me how strong I am,in so many different ways.I discovered a part of me,which I never knew had existed.

And I realised amidst of all of these troubles and pain,one can always find a silver lining of hope,of a better tomorrow.But,towards the year end,I somehow understood that the pain made me suffer it was a boon in disguise.That made me extremely grateful..I am grateful to be able to undergo the pain,and find my way out through it but by being grateful for the same pain.

Thus,I felt the need to dedicate this year, for gratitude :)